My friend Alex

Hello Everyone,

I’m shocked to be standing here, speaking these words today because they just don’t seem right. Trying to think of what to say about such a loss seems impossible to me. What I say can’t possibly encompass what I’m feeling, who Alex is, or how unbearable his passing is. I can’t believe he’s gone because he’s in my heart, in my mind, and in all of you here today; and he’ll never leave and he’ll always be there when you look for him.

I’ve missed him before and I miss him now, and I will miss him in the future. I keep thinking I am in a terrible nightmare, and that I’m going to wake up. I think that I must be mistaken, and that I need only wait for him to return. Being gone, beyond my reach, beyond my help, and beyond life; I feel powerless and insignificant and like I’ve let him down. Why wasn’t I with him? why couldn’t I protect him? why wasn’t I there when he needed me? If there was anything I could have done, and I didn’t do, I am sorry. I would do anything to have him back, standing beside me.

Unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about that, it’s not my decision and it’s not within my power. I simply have to live with the fate that has been dealt. I’m not sure that there was a reason for this to happen, but I want to believe it is part of a greater plan, the wisdom of which I may never fully understand. What I do know, however, is how wonderful Alex is, and how much I appreciate all the time I was granted with him. If he was not my best, then he was one of my closest friends. I’m sure that Greg and Fernando understand what I mean.

We found great comfort in each other’s company. We weren’t always happy with each other, but we always ended up back together hanging out, having fun, and enjoying ourselves. I can’t believe that our group won’t ever be full again; I can’t believe that we’ll get together again and one us won’t be there.

I’m not sure who else would claim Alex as a best friend, but I’m sure there are many people, who could. That’s because of who he is, because of what kind of a person he is; it’s the reason so many people feel such a great loss.

Even though I felt like family, I can’t begin to express the bonds that tied him to them. I know how much pain they must be feeling. I hope that they will heal because I know that Alex wouldn’t want them to hurt. I hope that I will be able to help Alex by helping them, when they need me.

What made Alex so special? Why does his passing hurt so much? Was he an amazing athlete? Was he a brilliant scientist? Was he destined to be the President of America? No. He was just a “great kid”, as another friend of mine said. He was nice, understanding, and sincere. He didn’t talk all the time, and he listened to other people. He reserved judgment and wasn’t rude to people he didn’t know. He gave you a chance instead of branding you from afar. He was happy and not too serious, and he knew how to enjoy life. He had a great deal of wisdom in regard to what was important. He didn’t want wealth, power, and prestige; he wanted to relax with his friends and family and enjoy the time he had.

I didn’t mean to suggest that he didn’t have ambition, but rather that his ambition led him down a more nontraditional route. Joining the marine Corps was a major accomplishment for Alex. I know it made him and me proud. It wasn’t the kind of thing that just anyone could do. Later when he went through all of the training to become a Recon Marine, I understood what an incredibly high hurdle he had leapt over. He put those challenges in front of himself and he met them head on. I was very happy to see him meet his goals and not quit. I was very impressed by his accomplishments.

While achieving those goals, I know that he was also aiming to succeed in another way. He had told me a long time ago, that he had met a girl that he thought he would marry. Although I couldn’t be there to see it, I was very happy to hear that he was finally able to marry ”Gilly”. That was maybe the smartest goal he set for himself. I know it was a dream come true for both of them, and I’m glad that they were blessed to meet each other and be together as husband and wife.

He certainly didn’t want to leave her to go back to Iraq, but he also wasn’t the type of person to back out of a commitment. He knew his duty and he didn’t complain about it. He knew what could happen, but he didn’t run from it. I told him not to be brave, but I know he was. Instead of being weak and trying to find a way to get out of his commitment early, so that he could begin to fulfill a dream of settling down and starting a family, he diligently prepared for his 2nd tour in Iraq. I didn’t want him to go back there, but I knew that he would be strong.

Alex was a great friend, and I’m going to miss him greatly as I’m sure all of you will. He was taken way too early at the age of 28, but he had accomplished, seen, and experienced a lot more than many people ever will. I wish he could come back, but I know I will meet him again, when my journey comes to an end. He will live on through all of us, and I like to believe that he’s moved on to some new adventures, and that he will be looking in on us from time to time. I’ll be very glad to meet up with him, when it’s my turn, and continue where we left off, sitting around and enjoying each other’s company.

Andrew Huff
23 May 2006
Washington National Cahedral